Lost and Found

This was just a move…..and this is life!

It’s dark.
Feels like everything just burn down, and only by the shapes you can see what is it.
Wind blows so strong,
lifts up the ashes.
I can’t see any more.
You can feel the heat, but you are all cold.
You don’t know is it so wet and dump, or just dry without the air,
I can’t breathe.
I’m wondering between burned memories,
trying to find my way out.
Hard to find the words to describe the darkness
of my mind,
my soul.
Hello, can someone hear me?
Please help me,
this is hell, but I’m still alive.
It feels like a nightmare but I’m not dreaming.
Hello? I can’t cry.

I already forget all your lies, disguises.
I already forget that you don’t call me anymore.
I already forget how you cheated.
In all that life that I have without you I found light, even when it’s another lie.
In that chaos that you made I forget who am I,
now when I’m lying in that mess you left behind, I put up piece by piece to get better picture again.
All those days,
nights of your “ I love you…” , that meant nothing but empty words.
I forget every single time when your ‘carrier’ ,was more important then my pain.
When your family like me, is fooled by your mask that you ware.
I forget how mad I am at you.
I forget.
I forget that I love you.

There are mornings that I don’t want to wake up.
There are days that I wonder is that just a dream.
There are moments that I want to remember.
There are minutes that I wish they could pass.
There was a year they I could not change,
decision that hurt us booth.
Now as I remember,
I love you the most.
In the mornings I smile,
Those seconds can pass by.
That day when I’m waiting and I don’t even try.
That Love that is still here, even when we cry.

I know it is a funeral song but for some strange reason I feel hope in it….

I’m keep looking back on those days when I was happy,
there were not too many of them.
Tear in my eye when I look back,
what I had and lost,
what I have now.
I’m keep looking back on those are gone now,
where are you,
do you miss me?
I’m keep looking back and trying to fix the past to be able to move on,
I can’t.
I’m not trying looking back,
pretending everything is ok.
Are you happy with who I am now?

I just lost it all, in the split of the second.
All gone.
Dreams I had just erase,
I can’t think even one day ahead.
I lost it all and your dreams had to become mine.
I don’t believe in who I am or who is he now,
who are you talking on the phone,
who are you sending that message now.
My mind starts to wonder,
will I have to courage to fight the big MISTERY, they say time.
I don’t have one.
They say Love,
I wonder.
I lost it all,
ME is all I have left.

“If I speak in the tonguesa of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,b but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.
When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

1 Corinthians 13, Bible

ps. I never knew I will put sometime up like that…

I lost myself,
I lost myself again in that mind trap.
I notice things around me,
I separate myself from the world.
Looking for the answer I tried everything,
faith,
hope,
love
and I even join the therapy.
No one will tell me who am I,
why I’m still here.
Trying to figure out myself, those mind games of mine.
I lost myself many times but maybe I never did,
maybe been lost was the answer.
Maybe this is who I am and what I do should be It?
I stop searching for answer and just try to find solution.
I have faith in that someday I will feel happy for more than just an minute.
I hope that the one I wake up every morning is the last one and my search is over.
I love with all my heart because I don’t know how much time I have left.

It was a time when I thought I was gone.
I though the dark side is the one where I should be.
You have always thought about yourself and everything you did was just to make you happy not me.
You are such of wanna be,
I’m not here to stand and look at it.
I’m well gone from your life and I can see the light.
I can see that lonely do not mean sad,
I’m having such of laugh.
I missed you,
but it was just a shade,
now I blossom and have my life back.
Like I never left.
All those lies believers have fallow you and still do,
I’m sorry not for losing them but for their waist.
Real friends, like the real love stays forever.
Quean do not need to act like one, is just is one.
I won’t waist a tear.
Stronger.